Bevan's Guide to Making Your Own Criminal Empire
By Bevan Hempseed


Welcome to my guide for creating your own criminal empire. In 10 easy steps I will teach you to build a criminal empire that will span the globe.

All you will need is a tomato, a protractor and a semi-automatic weapon.

Step 1:

Get the tomato (must be fresh) and the protractor.


Step 2:

Find at least 5 people to be in your criminal posse. Try to find stupid people that you can easily control, so they will do anything you say.


Step 3:

Now's the time to get your semi-automatic weapon, using one of your lackies to do this, so if they get busted it won't matter.


Step 4:

Now its time to get some respect. Go down to your local hood and kill as many homey's and mafia types as you can find.


Step 5:

Go into hiding for a month or so.


Step 6:

Invite all the gang leaders and mafia bosses over for a "I'm sorry for killing your cronies" dinner (this is where you use the tomato) This will always work as no one can resist free food.


Step 7:

Poison the food.


Step 8:

Tell all the gang members their leaders died of natural causes and their dying words were that they should follow your every order.


Step 9:

Send your scum out to do all the dirty work. You can now sit back and draw circles with your protractor.


Step 10:

Kill everyone in your organisation because they know too much.