The Procrastination Files
By Jon Hall

20 things everyone should do before the next exam period is over...

1. Try and recite every episode of "The Simpsons", verbatim, with different people acting out different parts (Jon G can be Marge)

2. Organise your sock drawer with colour going left to right, age going front to back and favouritism going top to bottom.

3. Learn an ancient language (like Hieroglyphics)

4. Draw 5 different personas of someone you hate.

5. Rename your MP3's, sorted by title. Then redo it by genre. Then revert to artist again.

6. Convince at least 2 people that there are fossils in your backyard, and start an archelogical dig (Me and Damien Shields actually did this in Year 5)

7. Label everything in your room with Post-it tags.

8. Befriend of pet rock. Teach it to beg, played dead and chase cars (it may need some encouragement to chase a car, like throwing it)

9. Come up with 12 exciting new ways to prepare veal. Show them to your parents. When they ask you why you haven't been studying, look confused.

10. Go shopping for an answering machine and spend two hours recording a witty message for it.

11. Compile a list of topics you'd want (or wouldn't want) to see discussed on Jerry Springer.

12. Buy one of those Kilometric pens, and check that it really does write for a kilometer by holding it against a treadmill running at high speed.

13. Find out the meaning of "autotopagnosia"

14. Find the word that means "the inability to localise and name the parts of one's own body".

15. See how long you can listen to "Sounds of Nature - Wilderness River Streamside" before you need to go to the toilet.

16. Try it again while drinking beer.

17. Construct a universal beam (or column) from erasers.

18. Study the wrong thing for three hours.

19. Spend at least an hour creating a list of things to do other than study.

20. Create a new national sport like nothing that's ever been seen on television.