The Leila Files: Sordid and Shocking Revelations
By Jon Green


What sort of character do you think of when you think of Leila? Quiet, studious, honest? Someone you would trust with your life? (if she ever becomes a doctor)

Lies! It is all a cover for the real 'evil' Leila lurking beneath this nice exterior.

Before we go into much detail however it is first important that we find out a few of the lesser known character traits of this girl.

- She takes stupid conversations too seriously.

- Always blushes when anyone says something even slightly sexual, and has a weird little laugh when they do.

- She says serial instead of serious. No one knows why.

- She always says shes fat when everyone knows she isn't.


Now that that's over and done with lets find out some stuff that's a little more interesting. Here are some of the things she's done.


She used to go around asking old people for money for donations, then just spend it on herself.

She broke into many of the churches in Emu Park, and once inside hid from a priest.

She got kicked out of school in Grade 1 because 'she had a cough'. Apparently that was the real reason.

In Grade 7 she got detention because she swore at a kid. Leila says she only said 'Shutup Fat Head' rather than 'Shutup Fuckhead' which is what everyone else in the class heard.


Everyone seems to have a story that begins with 'Remember the time when Leila...'
Here are a select few.


The time when Leila took everyone on a 'short cut' on Schoolies which ended up with everyone being lost in the bush for hours. According to Leila it was 'the mosquitoes that made it seem longer'

The time when she blew her nose and her nose ring fell out into the Salad Bar at Sizzler's.

The time she had a numb lip and couldn't be convinced the cup she was drinking from didn't have a dint in it.

The time she couldn't stop looking at Zak and Luke's crotch, even after they asked her to stop.

The time Zak was really drunk and asked us to remind him to ask her out on Monday.

The time Bevan made out with Jason in Accounting. (just checking you were still reading)

The time Leila went weird and thought she had a ten year relationship with Luke and a son named Providence who she backed over in her car.

The time she was failing Maths B and blamed me and Adam for distracting her, when it was the other way around.

The time Adam got confused between Leila and Aaron Skene.



Finally here's a few of the stupid things she's said.

When Ben Maloney was here and he was talking about how they have to rust proof all the equipment, and Leila said "What do you live at the beach or something?"

When Leila's mum was talking to her about the Queens 50th Year Jubilee, and Leila said "Does she have one every year?"

Or when we were talking about 2001 A Space Odyssey and I said "have you seen it?" Laura said "Yeah apparently you have to see the first to understand the second" and Leila said "Is that the one with John Travolta in it?"



Thankyou Leila with providing all this information. I think its been an enlightening experience for everyone.